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“Sometimes the simplest and best use of our will is to drop it all and just walk out from under everything that is covering us, even if only for an hour or so—just walk out from under the webs we’ve spun, the tasks we’ve assumed, the problems we have to solve. They’ll be there when we get back, and maybe some of them will fall apart without our worry to hold them up.”

Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have

I was given the gift of a retreat to Harmony Hills Retreat Center on Hood Canal. I cannot even fathom how I have gone so long without this kind of a break in my life with how fast our life feels at time. Now to be still, to reflect, be cooked for, be around beautiful strangers who shared from their hearts… magic! I highly recommend trying a retreat of any kind for your body, mind and heart to recover whenever you need. It can be an overnight to an airbnb by yourself as one of my clients is doing. It can be simple. Maybe it’s just a whole day of quiet set aside for you. This kind of condensed healing time allows one to honor and return to the preciousness of what’s important. Letting the world fall away for a while, you can see from another lens, a look back at your life that gives it new light. 

“Just as life is made up of day and night, and song is made up of music and silence, friendships, because they are of this world, are also made up of times of being in touch and spaces in-between.

Being human, we sometimes fill these spaces with worry, or we imagine the silence is some form of punishment, or we internalize the time we are not in touch with a loved one as some unexpressed change of heart.

Our minds work very hard to make something out of nothing. We can perceive silence as rejection in an instant, and then build a cold castle on that tiny imagined brick. The only release from the tensions we weave around nothing is to remain a creature of the heart. By giving voice to the river of feelings as they flow through and through, we can stay clear and open.

In daily terms, we call this checking in with each other, though most of us reduce this to a grocery list:
How are you today?
Do you need any milk? Eggs? Juice? Toilet paper?

Though we can help each other survive with such outer kindnesses, we help each other thrive when the checking in with each other comes from a list of inner kindnesses:
How are you today?
Do you need any affirmation?
Clarity?
Support?
Understanding?

When we ask these deeper questions directly, we wipe the mind clean of its misperceptions. Just as we must dust our belongings from time to time, we must wipe away what covers us when we are apart.”

Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have

I have been pondering ways to laugh more, to lighten up, to feel a little more playful and free: 

Here’s an invitation to join Dalya as she offers zom and in-person dance classes in West Seattle’s HIIT LAB: 

I have been studying Somatic Experience work in this last year and a half since the start of COVID.  Somatic Experience helps people “build awareness, coherence, and self-regulation. The result is a deeper understanding of the body/mind connection with an improved ability to release and regulate emotions. It also helps manage stress, resolve issues related to trauma, heal from and navigate life transitions, relationships and build resilience.” 

An idea developed by Dr. Peter Levine, he believed that humans (like animals in the wild)  possess the same ability to release physical energy from stress but often thwart it by “keeping it together” following trauma. We all probably have direct experience “keeping it together” through a difficult experience. Our ability to override what is an innate mechanism for self-care is for many of us what sets the stage for PTSD. By stopping this natural cycle of release, the energy becomes stuck, in effect keeping us in a perpetual state of fight-or-flight so that we are unable to return to our relaxed, balanced state. https://therapy-mn.com/blog/somatic-experiencing-ptsd/

Some ideas to ponder in the relationship of trauma and how we store this in our bodies: What is happening in my body when I feel overwhelmed or when I feel anxiety, or another familiar emotion that tends to come on to you powerfully. By beginning to get curious about what’s happening in our body, we can start to noice if there is a thought or meaning we are making of how we feel, an emotion we can name, an image we can bring up of the sensation, any senses like a smell, texture or color to this feeling. We can look at the way our body is responding and wanting to move. 

For example, when I feel anxiety, I often get overwhelmed by my thoughts and emotions often something like this: “Oh gosh, I don’t know if I’ve thought this all the way through, what if I’m missing something or what if I make the wrong decision?” Then I’ll tend to feel scared and that puts me thinking similar thoughts and basically, that continues on a loop. Super fun! 

I start to work with this by first recognizing that this loop is happening and put words to that, “Oh, here I am doing that thing, I’m looping from fear into thoughts that focus me on more fear. I’m feeling really anxious.” 

Then I’ll begin to bring in a body sensation to this, I’ll notice where I’m feeling the anxiety or fear in my body. It might be a tightness in my chest. 

Then I’ll look for any other sensations, images, any extra sensory information I can bring in here. I might think: Aha, I’m noticing with that tightness in my chest, there’s actually a little vibration and some warmth there. It feels like a red ball of energy right there in my chest. 

Then I can see if my body is trying to do any type of movement or some physical form I’m adopting. I’ll notice maybe my jaw is clenched or maybe my hands are tight or I might be curling my body in towards a protective slump. 

By bringing these different elements into the experience I’m having, it’s like I’m opening the loop up, expanding it, and making it a richer, brighter experience that I can really see from a new perspective. It might not be less uncomfortable at first but instead of staying stuck in the loop from my emotions to my thoughts and back and forth… it gives me greater context. The feeling is one of slight relief and a bit of integration into the rest of my body. It’s like a feeling of wholeness, a bit more resiliency. It feels very relieving and empowering to find tools like this. 

After my husband passed, I was working with my long-time therapist and the Somatic Experience work we did together around my grief was life-saving and transformative. It gave me context to emotional states that were completely overwhelming in that deep trauma of loss. It gave me a way of contextualizing pain, anxiety, sadness. I lean on these tools all the time and am so excited to be bringing this work into my bodywork with clients, deepening my ability to hold space for your deepest things that you bring with you in your body. Life is a beautiful mystery and our bodies are holding our stories inside. As we learn to be with our bodies in a safe and loving way, we can bring more and more compassion and presence into our every day, showing up whole with our whole hearts. 

I am convinced that life in a physical body is meant to be an ecstatic experience- Shakti Gawain

I have been taking a beautiful course and journey with my teacher, Amba Gale called Crossing Thresholds. We reach these moments in our life, these thresholds that we encounter where we get to choose to cross over and see what lies on the other side for us. What’s on the other side of possibility and surrender? We reach these forks in the road and we can also choose to stay safe and reside in the familiar, which is totally okay as well. But for me, I have been called to cross this threshold and am fascinated by the spiritual process that is unfolding. 

For me, I am choosing to cross thresholds on so many levels right now and I want to do so with my heart feeling alive, expansive, and full of hope.  My partner is moving into our home with his two wonderful little kiddos and doggie with my son and I. There are so many changes mixed into this that I can choose to stay in anxiety and worry about things or I can choose to see the deeper unfolding, the leaning into love and possibility. To allow the gifts to expand. In this shifting, I am able to begin to let go of so many things about solo motherhood and widowhood. It is a really powerful change happening in my life in the context of a new school year in another year of COVID and just so many things. I am choosing to see what’s on the other side of my fear. 

In these moments, we can envision ourselves in our new role, new surroundings,  choosing to fully cross over and allow things to be new within ourselves. What parts of me are truly fixed and what parts of me can be fluid? Can I fully surrender, to allow myself to stand fully here and just be aware in this present moment? We get to decide what comes with us and what stays. Who am I willing to become on the other side of this? What parts of me do I want to nurture and hold close and what am I ready to leave behind? A big part of this work turns out to be the closure of things from our past that no longer serve us or that we are ready to honor and leave behind. 

What does it mean to forgive and give closure? I heard someone say that forgiveness is giving up hope for a better past. It is a powerful thing. There is a beautiful traditional Hawaiian prayer the ho’ oponopono prayer that is simply: 

“I’M SORRY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME, THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU”

Take stock of the things that might keep you from moving forward in your life and consider finding closure, saying goodbye, clearing your energy to come forward with you by letting go, and allowing the past to rest. Perhaps there is some forgiveness needed, some closure, some willingness to let go. 

Choose to believe that all shall be well! Thoughts that serve me in crossing through anxiety into a new realm. What does this mean in our bodies? 

Big hugs,
Katy

It’s time to think of sustainability for our bodies. It starts with self-care.

Hi! If you’re like most of my clients, you’ve been just trying to make it through for a WHILE now.

I had a client come in last week who basically in five minutes summarized the entire last pandemic year in for all of us:

so many changes

so many unknowns to navigate

unresolved anxiety and trauma

lots of family hurts and feelings to manage

a big job shift

unsure of how to move forward socially

in a really bad place with their body

Can we just pause on this? This is such a collective experience happening right now and I want you to know that you are heard! You are seen! The world and our hearts are with you. It’s collective and it’s so human and understood that this has been a rough go in our journeys through humanhood. What a time.

I hear that some of us might feel like: it hasn’t been that bad. I fared pretty well in all of this. And I’m so glad to hear, that is so good to take stock and what if you’ve done all right? Sigh, so good. Take a breath. That IS wonderful.

And… it’s okay to find those spaces where you can just let it not be “okay”. It’s okay that it’s not all okay. In the sense that there is a knocking on that deeper cosmic door and are you listening? What is your body telling you? Is there anything that you need right now?

I hope that you can start with self-compassion. If we all started with an ABUNDANCE of self-love in all that we did, I feel there could be such an incredible shift towards peace, both inside and out. Let us be so kind and gentle with ourselves.

Really listen to your inner voice and imagine talking with an eager four-year-old who wants a hug. Awww. I hear you, it’s been hard. So rough, your body is hurting. Yes, this is difficult.

AND. There are baby steps towards feeling better. What could they be for you? It can be the tiniest steps. This last I have had the honor of working with a number of clients who had never had a massage before ever. YES! I feel so excited that people are reaching out for nurturing healing, for spaces they can rest into, to heal, to feel themselves in a new way.

What are you willing to try? Excited even?

What are your baby steps, the tiniest movements, the one degree shifts towards your own inner light?

We are here for you, to help you create that space to listen, to go within and to find those small, quiet shifts that can make all the difference.

Be well with love,

Katy

It’s okay to want things to be slow again.

We still have time to choose what we want to keep from when the world slowed down last year…

if that was, in fact, a part of your experience too.

We all experienced this past pandemic year or so quite differently but I wonder what you’re hoping to bring forward with you…

As a mom, my life slowed way down in terms of everything.

Not only was school and all childcare cancelled, it was all of the events, plans, play dates AND that feeling that I needed to keep our lives filled up up up.

When the shutdowns first started, I really was sitting with the reality of how overly busy our lives had become…

scrambling and hustling way too much.

I reflected on how much I was expecting of our little two person family unit.

Swayed, in part, by the culture I was swimming in.

It was in the shock of the slow-down that I could see the contrast, like… Hey you, is all of that really necessary?

It was just suddenly gone. Poof!

There was a lot of grief and loss and pain. A lot of adapting. A lot of fear and anxiety.

And it was quiet around us for a bit…

The fast pace was gone and I was able to deal with my own personal struggles within the pandemic but without the social pressure outside.

In an early spring moment of quarantine when I thought I had COVID, I sat in a hammock and watched my backyard elm bloom for a week and wondered why I had never done that in the ten years before…

It was totally stunning. Boring… and totally fascinating!

What a combo to sit with.

To be forced to just BE.

What a time of growth.

Well… that pace and some of that pressure is creeping back already…

As we start to reconnect again, I can feel the pull to max our time to connect with the people, do the things… say yes to everything that’s coming our way.

Gosh, some of the normalcy is tear-inducing.

The gatherings, the parks, the sharing meals with friends…

The things we’ve missed and the things we’ve lost.

Our thing is camping and this summer we got back on the weekend camping trips train and boy, is this something I had missed.

It is SO fun to be had outdoors in the PNW, to go with people you love.

I am drawn to the woods, to the experience of getting away, the vibe of being with other families and kids running free. It feels just awesome – all of it.

Especially after getting skunked last summer, everything cancelled and closed.

So, we went for it, booked things out and got back in deep this year. We’re back to back plans mapped out for the summer. Full-ON. Watch out, people.

And it’s good! I think?

Yet… I really do want to preserve some things that felt a lot better when there was less social noise, less FOMO and fewer decisions.

We were home more, just chillin’.

We did “less.”

Things felt quiet.

We heard more birds and took simple walks.

I had an incredible gift, as a solo parent, that during the shut downs I closed shop for a while, and was just home with my kiddo…

That was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of feeling.

How can I preserve some of this? Some of that goodness found during those tough times…

Wayyy back in the summer of 2020…

There’s also a lot of healing happening and we can really look mindfully at what’s happened to us on the inside…

to our kiddos… in the world around us…

to those that have suffered a lot this past year and are still really struggling.

A lot, lot, lot has passed recently. And there are some real opportunities here for practicing compassion and reevaluating our lives in relation to the world around us.

I see some huge gifts for society and all of us in this opportunity to reflect. And to remember how hard this has been.

To give ourselves more breaks and to really lean into some self-love as we slowly recalibrate…

all of us awkwardly navigating our new social world around us.

Let’s be nice to each other and most importantly, to ourselves in this.

What do you want to bring forward and what can you let go?

I love you! Big fat hugs to you all.

Katy

What a time, what a week, what a year. As I’ve been working with clients through the pandemic and this week more than ever, I’ve noticed people really longing for stability and security in their lives. My clients are grasping for a deeper sense of how to frame what is happening outside of them, in the world as they feel the effect of events outside themselves. 

So here we are in the weirdest year ever. 

Many of the things in our lives that we previously thought of as steady and fixed have now proven to be a source of unknown variability and uncertainty.

Our commutes, routines, schools, our work environment and our social circles…

Our sense of safety in the outside world, our health, social and political layers of reckoning…

there is so much change and fragility.

We find ourselves joking about what’s the next surprise as we assess these collective previously unfathomable shifts to our day to day. 

Can we just take a moment on that note and breathe? We have to give that a minute and not just simply move on to the next, you know?

I just want to acknowledge your heart in this, your body and mind, this incredible being that you are that is ultimately HERE, alive and somehow still functioning, rebalancing and adjusting to SO. MANY. CHANGES! It’s quite incredible isn’t it?

So… 

What I am seeing is this deep collective longing for stability, security, and safety; for a sense of control and for things that we can count on. Feeling into the notions of consistency and routine is soothing, isn’t it? Ahhh. Routine. Predictability.

Our bodies settle, our nervous system can shift from that high alert state into a deeper, calmer sense of self. This is a mind shift and it is so physiological because we are animals! We have a gift as human animals that we can consciously shift our bodies into that relaxed state of the parasympathetic nervous system that is where we rest, digest and settle. Where we heal, nurture and return to our own inner safety. This is such a gift of being human and it takes attention and practice, especially in times like these.  

How can we cultivate this deep sense of stability and security within ourselves?

 1. First tune into what is within your realm of control and what is not.*

Write down those things that really are out of your hands. Things not in your control might be what others say or what they think about you. These are things that we’ll find our way to peace with, release them to the universe, go on a walk, find your own ways to surrender to what is in those realms.

2. What is within your control?

When we see that we do have ways that we are in control over our bodies, our home environment, how we operate, we can begin to shift our attention to what we need. You are in control of your inner realm, some of your thoughts and focus, your next step, your next action.

3. What do you need in your life right now?

If it is this deep sense of stability, start to notice in your life where stability shows up, where you feel secure and what brings you a sense of safety. This can be from things like your budget, your warm home, the car that gets you to and fro, your family, your adoring pet, the tall swaying trees outside of your window. It can be simple and small.

4. Next, how can you call more stability and security into your life?

Write down ways that you can create more and more stability in the near future in your home, social networks, financial life, your routines or health. This might be by calling a friend more regularly, taking a regular walk or learning a new skill that would feel stabilizing for your future.

What we put our attention to expands! Look at this list in the mornings, when you are feeling anxious or when you want some reminders of how deep that well is inside of you. 
 

Your journal prompts…
 

Things that I cannot control:

Things that I can control:

I have stability in my life in these ways:

I am calling more stability into my life everyday in these ways:
 

Warm hugs to you on this blustery fall day here in Seattle. 

Big love,

Katy 

*I would like to give a nod to one of my favorite authors and speakers, Gay Hendricks who uses a process around the things I can control/can’t control in his book The Joy of Genius, which I highly recommend. 

Photo Credits: Johannes Plenio & Aaron Burden

What lights the fire of this cozy sweet life of yours? 

We are creatures who seek comfort in so many ways, naturally, habitually. In this changing of the seasons now as the leaves dance in colors and we flow into November, let us honor this instinct to draw inward and to self-soothe. Get sweet with yourself and find those things that help you feel nurtured. 

We are creatures who seek comfort in so many ways, naturally, habitually. In this changing of the seasons now as the leaves dance in colors and we flow into November, let us honor this instinct to draw inward and to self-soothe. Get sweet with yourself and find those things that help you feel nurtured. 

Have you heard of the Scandanavian term “hygge”? It’s lovely!

Hygge reflects a cultural draw in Denmark to a sense of comfort, simplicity, warmth and drawing in a sense of community to your life. It is a concept that can encompass many principles of personal happiness and delight and is different for each person. It’s about savoring in the charm of simple pleasures of life year-round, but especially as the nights get longer and colder. So into this! 

2020 has brought us an unbelievable amount of twists and turns, many of us finding that our nervous systems are on high alert to the stresses of change, uncertainty and isolation. It’s collective and real. It’s easy to normalize on some level but this is really an important time for us to focus inward in a new way.

Now more than ever, we have an opportunity to learn to self-soothe and find great benefit to our bodies, our spirits, our health and overall well-being. I love drawing from the gentleness of hygge and finding your own creative way to settle your spirit. 

My 8-year-old son and I recently moved into a sweet new home in a quiet neighborhood. After the stresses of this year in general, my soul needs nourishing and calm. Starting with a fresh, empty home has brought me so many ideas about how to create and fill my space with a sense of connection to ME. What do I love to do? How do I find rest?

I am setting up my resting areas in special places around the house where I can look out and see trees, sit by the space heater fireplace (even fake fires are relaxing :), sip some rose tea and dig into a freshly downloaded novel. I’m making space for my son to dive into dark afternoon Lego projects. I’m finding ways for us to get creative together with puzzles and crafts that help us feel connected as a little family. Also… I have the BEST bathtub with the HOTTEST water that has already brought me incredible amounts of  joy. My last home I had to boil five kettles of water to even get excited about a bath. Low light, music, hot water. Thank you, universe! 

So… let’s hear it for what is cozy for you? How do you rest and self-soothe?

Happy sweet times to you ahead, my friends.  I’m grateful to be here with you. 

Love you all with all with my big, open heart,

Katy