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Lately I’ve been thinking about what it really means to sit with someone. Not fix them. Not cheerlead. Just be—long enough, quiet enough, curious enough to feel what’s really happening in the space between you. I had the gift of spending extra time recently with a young family member who moves through the world differently, and the slower rhythm of our days reminded me what co-regulation actually feels like. When we tuned into each other, I could feel both of our systems soften. It was like my nervous system saying, thank goodness you’re here and not trying to change me.

I notice this with my son, too—how different it feels when I’m trying to push him versus when I partner with him. His whole body tells the story. In one mode, he shuts down completely; in the other, he lights up, silly and delighted. Sometimes I don’t even notice what shifted until I’ve already lost the thread of connection. But when I do catch it, the difference is striking.

Co-regulation is one of those healing buzzwords that gets tossed around a lot, but in the somatic world, it’s not just a nice idea—it’s a biological need. Our nervous systems are wired to find safety in relationship. When someone meets us with calm, kindness, or curiosity, our body reads it as “I’m safe”—and begins to unwind. That might look like soft eye contact, a slower breath, or a more grounded voice. It’s not about fixing or performing—it’s about presence. And even when nothing gets resolved, something meaningful still happens.

In a world that feels louder and more divided than ever, this practice of co-regulation can be quietly radical. Whether you’re sitting beside someone who sees things differently or breathing alongside your garden as it grows—this is how we stay connected. Not through perfection, but through the willingness to pause, to listen, and to meet each other where we are.

I’m reminded of that old water crystal experiment, where the structure of water shifted depending on how it was spoken to. Maybe our nervous systems are like that too—shaped not just by what happens to us, but by how we’re held. When we’re met with acceptance, even in our messiness, something inside us starts to reorganize toward healing.

Practice: 

So this week, I invite you to notice: Where are the small moments you can co-regulate with someone else? What does it feel like when someone offers you that kind of presence? What do you feel in their body, their voice, their way of being?

Hope you enjoy.

Much love,

Katy

A Gentle Practice of Being With Someone

One of my favorite things about relational somatics is how deep connection can exist just on the other side of everyday interactions. When we slow down and really notice someone, even a quick exchange can turn into a moment of magic—of being moved by another person’s world.

You might know the feeling: you’re in line at the store, you casually ask, “How are you?”—and the person actually answers. Something real slips through. You feel it land in you. For just a second, there’s presence, honesty, connection.

These moments can be breathtaking… and easy to brush past.

We’re busy. What do we even do with that feeling? So we move on.

But when we pause to notice these small openings, they become part of the inner fabric that holds us—reminders of our shared humanity. They don’t require big emotional processing. Just a breath. A soft recognition that something meaningful happened.

Sometimes we shut down or move away from connection, not even on purpose. It might feel too vulnerable or too intense. And sometimes we move toward it—our hearts opening, our systems softening. All of that is okay. All responses are valid. What matters is noticing what’s true for us in the moment, and remembering that we have choice. We can connect (or not) and that freedom is part of what makes connection feel safe.

When we practice noticing, gently, without pressure, we start to build new pathways. We realize that feeling more doesn’t mean we have to do more.

Connection doesn’t have to lead to a long conversation, emotional labor, or overwhelm. It can be a quiet breath, a glance, a shared moment of being human.

🌱 Why Practice Connection?

This might sound a little “out there” if you’re new here—ha! But if you know me, you know I live in the world of the heart. And truly, this is the deepest joy in my work: witnessing people feel seen, heard, and connected in a real way.

There’s nothing more precious than being trusted with someone’s truth; their story, their inner world, their tender heart.

And yet, in a culture that prizes independence and productivity, many of us are surrounded by people but still feel lonely. We’re wired for togetherness, but not always taught how to be together.

In some cultures, there’s built-in time for connection, like workers heading home for lunch with family. That kind of rhythm says: you matter, we matter. We can learn from that. We can remember the deep human longing for presence and bring it into our own daily lives, one small moment at a time.

🌱 A Way to Begin

Next time you’re with someone—your child, a friend, even yourself in the mirror—pause for a moment.
Notice their presence.
Sense your own breath.
Feel into the space between you.

What’s it like to just be with another person, without needing to fix or figure anything out?

Somatics teaches us that we don’t have to do this alone. We can meet the world while anchored in our own presence. It’s not about trying to change or perfect ourselves—it’s about expanding our capacity to feel, to connect, and to stay grounded as we do.

When we practice this kind of gentle noticing, we remember that being human is not a solo project. And that, in itself, is a beautiful thing to return to.

Love,

Katy

Finding Steadiness in Challenging Times: A Somatic Approach to Engaging with the World

In today’s political landscape, many of us are grappling with how much to engage with the news, how much to step back, and how to balance awareness with self-care. I hear this from clients and friends all the time—how do we honor our values of staying informed and empathetic while also tending to our own well-being?

One of the most important questions I’ve been asking myself lately is: What do I know about myself now?

With years of deepening my understanding of nervous system regulation, I’ve come to recognize that my ability to engage with challenging issues is directly tied to my ability to first anchor in steadiness, safety, and connection.

Before taking in the world, I need to first take in myself.

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A Somatic Check-In: Finding Your Center

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or uncertain about how much to engage with the news, social media, or difficult conversations, try this simple check-in:

1. Pause & Orient
   
   • Look around your space. Name 5 things you see. Feel where you are in this moment.
   • Let your eyes rest on something neutral or pleasant. Let your breath settle.
2. Notice Your Body
   
   • Where do you feel sensation? Is there tightness, buzzing, constriction, or a sense of ease?
   • Do you feel grounded in your seat or feet?
3. Ask Yourself:
   
   • Do I feel steady, open, and curious?
   • Or do I feel tight, activated, and tense?
   • Do I have the capacity to take in more right now, or do I need to tend to myself first?

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The 8 Cs of IFS: A Guide to Self-Connection Before Engaging

To determine if you’re in a good place to engage with the world, check in with these 8 qualities of Self-energy from Internal Family Systems (IFS). When we are connected to Self, we feel:

• Calm – Is my nervous system settled, or am I agitated?
• Clarity – Am I thinking clearly, or am I caught in reactivity or confusion?
• Curiosity – Am I engaging from a place of openness, or am I locked into fear or frustration?
• Compassion – Can I hold my feelings and others’ perspectives with kindness?
• Confidence – Do I feel steady in myself, or do I feel shaken?
• Courage – Can I engage with what’s happening without collapsing or shutting down?
• Creativity – Can I imagine solutions, or do I feel stuck in hopelessness?
• Connectedness – Do I feel like part of something bigger, or do I feel isolated?

If you feel disconnected from these qualities, it may be a sign to pause, ground, and return to yourself first before engaging.

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Practices to Reconnect Before Consuming News or Engaging in Difficult Conversations

If you notice that you feel off-center, here are a few somatic practices to bring yourself back to steadiness:

1. Press Into Your Seat – Feel the contact of your body with the chair or ground. Press down lightly with your feet. Take a slow breath.
   
2. Place a Hand on Your Chest or Belly – Feel the warmth of your own presence. Let yourself know, “I’m here. I’m with myself.”
   
3. Shake Out the Tension – Stand up, bounce lightly on your heels, shake out your hands. Let any stuck energy move through.
   
4. Humming or Sighing – A long exhale, a low hum, or even a gentle sigh can shift your nervous system into more regulation.
   
5. Touch Something Grounding – Hold a warm cup of tea, run your hands under cool water, feel the texture of something steady in your space.
   
6. Time Your Engagement – Set a timer for how long you’ll read the news or scroll. Give yourself permission to step away when the time is up.
   
7. Close with a Ritual – After engaging with challenging content, bring yourself back with a slow breath, a sip of water, or a look at something beautiful.
   

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Honoring Your Boundaries & Capacity

The truth is, we aren’t meant to hold everything, all at once, all the time. Our nervous systems aren’t built for it. And just because we have access to an endless stream of information doesn’t mean we need to take it all in.

Some days, we have more capacity to engage. Other days, we need to step back, recharge, and care for ourselves so that when we do engage, we can do so from a place of steadiness and clarity.

Give yourself permission to choose when and how you engage. To step back when you need to. To step forward when you feel ready. To stay connected to yourself in the process.

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A Final Question to Hold:
As you move through this season, ask yourself:

Am I engaging in a way that honors my steadiness, or am I losing myself in the noise?There is a way to stay present in the world while staying present to yourself. May we all find the balance.

The Power of Practice

Have you ever noticed yourself slipping into routines and patterns?

Whether it’s a way that you sort through your worry in your mind, finding yourself stuck in thought or attached to a certain way of doing things, there is often a pattern that we are practicing here.

Thoughts, body sensation, emotions, actions- they can play out in a very familiar loop. It’s easy to think: “Well, this is just who I am. It’s what I do.” You have been practicing this way of being for years and years.

And we are always practicing something.

There are small but powerful ways to shift the way we show up for ourselves by first putting attention to how we are practicing our daily routines, patterns and habits. Is the way that I’m doing this contributing to my life in a positive way? Is there a cost to this pattern that I’d love to shift? Is there another way I could be doing this?

If we see these patterns as practices, there is a way to try something different. And we can start with easy shifts by bringing in a new, simple practice. Name it a PRACTICE and you are supporting your deeper commitments to yourself, towards how you want to show up in your life.

Your morning shower can become a practice that helps you deepen into your favorite mood, preparing your coffee or putting the dishes into the washer can set you up for a more spacious, calmer approach to your day.

Notice the practices that you already have and celebrate that.

YES! I love my evening walks.

YES! I am great at connection in my morning chats with my kiddo.

YES! I really listen to my body in these moments.

YES! I take care of myself well in this way.

Highlighting a practice can shift a mundane task or moment. Shift from feeling rushed, tight, thinking of your lists for the day… to one that softens your pace, your mood and perspective to prepare for what’s ahead. Puts you in a supportive stance.

Mindful, slow, compassionate, spacious, ready.

Can you imagine that shift in your body?

What is possible with five minutes of intentional practice today calming the mind and allowing in more of the feelings that you really would love to feel.

Here are some simple ways to implement the power of practice:

• Embrace the power of small, easy intentional practices. Don’t over complicate things. Pause to take in some deep breaths. Follow your attention into sensation. Let your eyes take in the nourishment of the life all around you, flourishing before you eyes. Feel your heart. Simple and sweet.

• Think about what it is you are practicing now. With compassion, notice what you do now and how that works for you. Observe with love.
• Gently lean towards the sunshine. Imagine making a slight, one degree shift towards what you’d like with a new routine or a different action.  How could a new practice move you towards a transformation over time?
• Journal your thoughts. Change can feel daunting, no matter how positive that change will be in the long haul. Jot down your thoughts: the good, the bad, the overwhelming, the empowering…let yourself feel it all as you shift away from the mind into your heart.
• Remember baby steps over time and that you are doing a really good job just as you are today. Celebrate what you are already doing now that is great! See yourself! Love yourself!

What are practices that bring you joy?

By identifying the things that keep us in our default patterns and routines, and taking ourselves seriously in the process, we can discover the intentional practices we can do to get us to where we desire to be.

To discover more about the power of practice and practical ways you can implement it, visit this blog by Strozzi Institute: https://strozziinstitute.org/the-transformative-power-of-practice/

EASY PRACTICE:

Dance! Make a playlist! Grab a partner or a plant. Shake it like you own it. Maybe even just a little skip to start. Hands down a SURE shift to your mood.

We are naturally resilient beings.

Somatic resilience is our ability to shift from states of hyper-vigilance and stress to a calmer, resourceful, and connected state. This shift helps us stay present and to see a brighter future. Resilience moves us toward strength, wholeness, possibility, and healing

Resilience also guides us through our most challenging moments in life.

There can be a subtle difference between resilience strategies and survival tactics. Resilience practices can prepare us to experience a fuller range of emotions and sensations.  We practice feeling more alive, open and connected to what’s around us in contrast to some of our survival strategies like numbing out, distracting, distancing and staying unaware of what’s happening in our lives and bodies.

We practice resilience so that we can be in choice for when we are under stress. Rather than just our automatic reactions to discomfort, we can stay present a bit more each time.

Powerful resilience practices can include: helping others, connecting to our imagination and creativity, shared collective experience, and a connection to something greater than ourselves.

• Here are some simple ways to practice your resilience

  • Take a mindful walk in nature or around the block. Notice beauty, allow yourself to be in wonder, awestruck even, of what you take in.
  • Sit in the sun, feeling the calm and slowness. Take in all of the senses: the warmth, the color of the sky, the visual you have for this moment, the smells, the sounds.
  • Create a moment to hug, reach our or connect with a loved one. Open to the uplift and warmth that connection can bring in its simplicity.
  • Find joy, contentment, delight in music or art. How does it move you inside and out? How can you feel the experience of this artist through their work?

More about resilience vs. survival strategies 

Survival strategies, while often necessary and effective, can leave us feeling numb, tense, and detached. Although these tactics might feel familiar or “safe,” they often disconnect us, restrict our actions and interactions, and make us feel less complete.

We might have needed these strategies to buffer from overwhelm or discomfort that we’re feeling by numbing out or distracting ourselves from what’s really happening. Numbing out might be social media, Netflix all night, binging on an indulgence of choice, isolating ourselves, avoidance of something we know is important.

We all have our things that we do!

We can start to notice these strategies with compassion, softness and a check in: Hey, I’m doing this thing.

What am I feeling right now? Can I pause for just a moment here?

When we see that we are longing for change, it’s not helpful or easy to just remove an old strategy for how we’ve handled challenging moments. We can’t force change or override a program we have running.

We must acknowledge what this strategy has skillfully taken care of for us, perhaps for a long, long time. Self-compassion is so important here. We are all so human. Then slowly, maybe in 1 degree shifts, we can start to turn to intentional practices that help us foster our inner joy, well-being and connection to self and others.

• What are your own practices that bring you joy?
• How will you connect with yourself today?

-Resource: Resilience: A Somatic Definition -Staci K. Haines with generative somatics

To date, my favourite explanation of somatic therapy is from generative somatics elder Staci Haines:

The word Somatics comes from the Greek root soma which means “the living body in its wholeness.” It’s the best word we’ve come up with in English to understand human beings as integrated mind/body/spirit, or a psycho-biology. This understanding is that people are not mind over matter (“if I think differently I will be different”), nor matter over mind or spirit (“a change in chemistry or medication will wholly change my experience”), rather we are all of these things combined – we are thinking and conceptual, we are emotional, we are biological, and we are spiritual. Somatics approaches people as this integrated whole, working with all of these aspects of who we are.

Perhaps what is most unique about Somatics is that it integrates the body (ourselves from the neck down) as an essential place of change, learning and transformation. You can think of it like muscles having memory and the tissues having intelligence. We have learned a more objectifying or dissociated view of the body as a pile of bones and tendons we think of as a science project.

Somatics looks at the body as a place of evolutionary intelligence and learning. Somatics sees the “self” or who we are as inseparable from the psycho-biology. Of course, the mind and body are never really separate (a mind cannot live without a body and vice versa) but we certainly try to operate as if they are. When we reconnect the vast intelligence of the body with the mind and spirit, powerful things happen.

Somatic Resilience

We are inherently resilient beings, with this strength embedded deep within our “soma,” a result of three billion years of evolutionary wisdom. In a somatic sense, resilience is our innate ability to shift from states of hyper-alertness and reactivity—always on the lookout for danger—to a more serene, resourceful, and connected state of being. This transition helps us stay present, envision brighter futures, and regain our sense of safety, connection, and dignity.

Resilience also serves as our beacon during times of oppression and trauma, guiding us through the most challenging moments and nurturing our happiness, connection, and well-being. We are naturally resilient and creative individuals, and our communities reflect these qualities. There are numerous practices that can help us foster resilience within ourselves, our loved ones, our organizations, and our communities. By embracing and cultivating resilience, we invite strength, wholeness, possibility, and healing into our lives.

There can be a subtle difference between resilience strategies and survival tactics. Resilience practices foster a sense of connection, openness, and safety. They prepare us to take positive steps toward a better future, allowing us to experience a fuller range of emotions and sensations, making us feel more alive instead of numb.

Survival strategies, while often necessary and effective, can leave us feeling numb, tense, and detached. Although these tactics might feel familiar or “safe,” they often disconnect us, restrict our actions and interactions, and make us feel less complete.

This distinction is relevant in our personal lives, communities, and social movements. While both collective resilience and survival strategies have supported us, it is our shared resilience that propels us toward hope, interdependence, collective action, and the vision of the future we aspire to create.

I just have recently discovered in my journey of body love, and self-love that there are three separate components to my health right now. My food, my exercise, and the metrics of my health (age, size,  chemical makeup, hormones, skin, energy levels). By separating these three things, I could see that I have a different relationship with each of these parts of me and it helps me feel less overwhelmed by an overall concept of: I’d like to take better care of myself. 

The metrics of my body are separate from but totally connected to my food and exercise. But I notice that if I can look at my body like a scientist and just see where I’m at, I can make a choice about where I’d like to be. I can see how my body is doing from a more objective level and see if there are ways of shifting those measures towards more beneficial states. An example is looking at my energy levels through just the lens of the metrics. I can collect data on what things might affect my energy: caffeine, sleep, exercise, the foods I eat, and stress levels. With research, we can see data on how our energy can be in our control on some levels and there are things to be curious about. What’s realistic for me? What are low-hanging fruits that I can try in terms of increasing my energy? This might help me think about my sleep habits or more exercise or less sugar just from that scientific angle. I feel curious, not attached or emotional about it. I wonder what might be possible for me and what’s not realistic, what I could think about more later. 

Another metric that I’ve been curious about is joint pain. For example, when I exercise, my joints feel amazing. Specifically, when I bike, my knee pain is reduced to almost 0 from a pain level of 5 or 6 somedays. This is highly motivating for me to get on the bike and enjoy a ride because I enjoy the experience of pain-free knees so much. There’s no drama, it feels like an objective metric of how my body supports itself in healing, lubricating my joints, circulation, etc. I can support that process and meet my body in optimizing it’s own process. 

Exercise has been something of a journey for me in my life. I grew up as an athlete and as an adult I have grappled, like so many of us, to find the time, focus, and dedication to my body feeling fit, healthy, and excited to move. This process of taking the metrics of my body and my relationship with food OUT of the equation helps me to look at exercise more cleanly. What do I like to do? What can my body do right now? What can I fit into my days and weeks so that I can enjoy my body and show up for how great it feels to take care of myself in this way? 

The alternative for me was to remember how fit I used to be playing soccer four nights a week in my 20’s and lament over my lack of time, mobility or speed, and skill that I have today. What a losing game that line of thinking is! I can just feel my body shut down and quit as soon as I start thinking that way. As we age, we get to learn to come to terms with where we are at right now. There might be some grief, loss, or frustration involved. But what else is there but to adjust and see what we CAN do right now? There are so many amazing and fun alternatives to movement, being outdoors, playing and loving our bodies. If we can create some distance from any angst we feel along the way, we can still show up to the smallest amounts of exercise and movement that help us create habits and baselines that feel actually fun. Notice how good it feels to move and you’ll find yourself showing up more and more. Mini habits and taking the pressure off. A walk a day can feel life-altering! 

Food. Oh, food! What a deeply fraught topic this is, for all of us! If you feel peace in this area of your life, I celebrate you! I have a relationship with food that is ever-evolving and I am happy to do the work to separate my relationship with food from exercise and the metrics of my body. While they are deeply intertwined, I like to see food for just food whenever I can. I practice looking at my food choices and habits from the perspective of mindfulness, noticing hunger, wondering what will be the best fuel for my body, and being as aware as possible. I am not going to go into any ins and outs here with food habits but I will say that it really, really helps me to allow my food choices not to overly influence my feelings or thoughts about exercise or my health metrics. I feel calmer and steadier and happier.  When food is food, exercise is exercise and my size/body/health/pain is just what it is, I feel less overwhelmed and more optimistic. I have less black and white thinking. I know that am doing my best and I can still carry on with my habits in other areas that serve me best today! It doesn’t matter to my workout plan that I just ate a bowl of ice cream, I can still hop on the bike and do my thing. 

This is something that helps me stay clear on my goals and know there are so many ways that I AM supporting my body and that I can celebrate all that I AM doing to have a healthy body today and every day. 

Let’s practice being so kind to ourselves! Take it easy and do the next baby step towards what feels good for you. 

Along with all of the fascinating lessons and changes that life continually brings, I wanted to share with you some of the deep peace I have felt in the gift of travel after so long. 

The sights and smells and sounds… the richness of being in a totally new place. The colors! 

I wish I could feel this wonder in my every day.
I long to cultivate a practice to hear my own songbirds with the same new ears of delight and wonder that a tropical beach could bring. 

I would love to imagine my feet in my shoes in the rain to be just as intriguing as the feeling of walking on soft white sand. 

We have this one precious life and all of these experiences and choices to make.
I wonder what will call my soul to come to explore and dive in and dance next?

I want to keep my heart open to the possibilities of wonder, of colors and textures and possibilities. 

In this type of renewal, I can feel brand new like a beginner at this life, while deeply grounding in the knowledge that I am whole and me, I am me! 

And from this place, the world around me richer, my heart is so much more open to everyone and everything around me. This feels like living whole-heartedly. 

YES!

So much change. After living alone with just my son and I, my partner and his kiddos moved in. Such a wonderful soup of blending, merging, snuggles, and compromise. We have discovered so much sweetness alongside so many adjustments! 

The overwhelm of change has fleshed out in mysterious and fascinating ways. 

I think that with any change, no matter the quality or desire and willingness to evolve,  there is also loss. I am a person who has adapted well to having many long nights on my own, puttering, self-caring in ways that unfold naturally. Lots of space have I had over these years of widowhood and solo-mama hood. Lots of natural healing time, alongside the loneliness that can bring. Yet, it’s how I’ve been in most of my motherhood. 

What I have realized since this big merge, is that I am in desperate need of sacred space, rituals, and routines that connect me to me. In a two-bedroom home with three boys, two adults, and a dog, I have found myself delighted to be locked in the bathroom with my morning coffee and my journal a few times. Ha! I am a creative soul. I’ll get my quiet where I can. 

I began to read Mark Nepo’s teachings this year and his commitment to cultivating that deep relationship with your soul self has really stuck with me. How important it is to befriend yourself, what that looks like only you can know. But you must create the intention and willingness to go there to discover it. Whether it’s going to nature or just sitting to be in silence. I feel there is nothing as important as knowing yourself so that your life can unfold with the intentions that you deeply long for in life: peace, happiness, resilience, open-heartedness, compassion, whatever those things are for you. Whatever helps you feel truly YOU, your spark within, that deep inner candle that flickers and sometimes holds steady, so strong. That deep knowing. 

When we are connected to that, we can be more at peace in our human lives. It’s beautiful really because alongside that flame can live our deepest sorrows but also our deepest joy. I have felt this profoundly in my grief healing journey and creating the space to hold myself wherever I am at is crucial for me. I crave it and long for it. 

So I knew I would need to find my space in this new dynamic of my life. 

As the seasons changed and my massage hut in my backyard no longer felt viable weather-wise this year, there was my solution for a space for me to rest, read, meditate and hold my morning routine. I am committed to a morning ritual that is an evolving set of things that fuel my mental, physical and spiritual health. I have been delighted to work on tiny habits like just getting my journal out and seeing what happens or just stepping on a yoga mat to stretch and see how my body feels like moving. No presh, I’m learning to just show up. 

When I hold this morning space for myself, I am more at ease in my life, centered, grounded. I have more capacity to take on the day with joy and self-awareness. 

It feels so beautiful to be here. A gift to myself each day.